Talk:Don't Look Back/@comment-10291535-20150810124349
I know it's really early for this, but I rarely express my feelings and whats going on in my life with you guys, so honestly I really should, because after all, you guys are some of the best friends I could have ♥ All of you. But anyway, it's nothing serious (i guess), life threatening, or anything like that but it really is beginning to bother me. Ok, so where should I start? I've known I've begun to question whether or not I was gay since 3rd grade, then I knew for sure in 6th grade that I was....am. Ever since then, I've had my ups and downs with it, of course keeping it a secret from family, friends and strangers (so everyone basically). I've had times where I hated being this way and wanted to change, there has been times where I've just decided to deal with it, knowing that it's never gonna change, and there's been times where I actually decided to accept myself and embrace it. I've seen many coming out videos and at times have decided that I should, but never actually did of course. Mainly because the people I've been to school with, I've known since kindergarden all the way up to now (10th grade), so I believe I'd come out in my Junior or Senior year, or maybe in college! But anyways, I knew for sure that when I did '''come out to my parents, that it would be when ''I''''' was ready, therefore I could do it on my own. However, things happened to where my dad found out, rather then me telling him myself, and although he accepts me for who I am and all (I knew he would from the start), he's coming at me with all the questions and expecting me to completely open up to him about it, when I'm not ready to discuss certain topics with him yet. I know that for the most part, my family would accept me and coming out isn't as bad as it seems to be, but this part of me that isn't even that big of a deal, is to me, because i've known it for so long, and it's been the one thing that if anyone found out, I'd be completely vulnerable to them, so I want that little part of me to stay to myself. If that makes sense. Because for instance, it doesn't help that my dad's coming to me saying "So how long have you known this about yourself?" "Have you ever experienced any sexual things with another guy?", but also now that I know my dad knows this about me, I'm completely closed up around him, because I don't know what it is, but I can't act the same around someone who knows my deepest secret if I didn't tell them or trust them enough myself. And that's not even the worse part. Apparently, my dad told my grandmom who I live with, who isn't so...accepting. And her outtake on it, isn't good whatsoever. She's saying things like "I know now that I can't change anyone's sexual prefence, because if they choose to live a different lifestyle then it's completely up to them, but what I do want for you is to act more masculine, because I don't see any of that in you RJ, and the way you act has nothing to do with what you choose to like" etc. And it all irritates me because I'm not open enough with the topic to actually tell her that it's not a choice, And basically, different adults in my family are now coming up to me and basically bringing the subject up and I didn't tell any of them this, so I'm basically losing myself and mentally deteriorating and I'm not sure how much more I can take, but I'm so glad I got to get all of that off of my chest. Thanks for listening guys.